The Real Reason You Can't Answer What Do You Want For Dinner?

SPEAKER_00 0:03

For a while, we had an unspoken idea that Friday night was the night we would treat ourselves to a special dinner. And here we were, sitting on the couch, and I just finished my last session for the day. My partner asked, What do you want for dinner? We haven't had anything special for a while. It's true. For weeks, I had just been crashing onto the couch at the end of the day and zoning out to social media or TV. This time didn't feel any different. My mind and my body were craving the quiet solitude I associate with the weekend, even though I inevitably fill all that time with all the perceived necessary tasks. The dinner question felt like another heavy weight added to my shoulders when I hadn't even been able to unload the weight from the week yet. And I felt that sinking feeling, that guilt in my stomach as I thought about letting my partner down again. Not just because I didn't know what I wanted for dinner, but because I knew they were tired of me saying, I don't know. Hi, I'm Superkate. Welcome to connecting with Super Kate for women who have too many job titles, too many commitments, and don't want to just get through it anymore. I had been overriding myself. And I think you know what that feels like. Every time you push through when your body says stop, like going out to do more errands instead of taking a nap. Or when you go along with the restaurant everyone else wants, hoping you can at least find an appetizer to eat. Filling up the schedule with everyone else's plans first and sticking your own appointments in the gaps if there is any time left over. And always saying, I'm fine, because you're managing and your feelings aren't that important anyway. All of that dismissing and overriding accumulates, and one of the things it costs you is your ability to know what you want. You might argue that you're just indifferent, that you don't have an opinion. My experience and that of my clients is that you've depleted the part of yourself that has access to that signal. You've been running in service of everyone else for so long that when someone finally turns to you and asks, Hey, what do you want? There's nothing there. Not, I don't care, just genuinely, honestly, nothing there. So I told my partner, I don't care. Whatever you want to do is fine. And part of that was true because I knew I had a couple options. What was also true was that I was so exhausted, so tired of taking care of everything else, that I just wanted someone else to decide for me. I wanted them to know what I actually wanted. I wanted to hand over that decision-making process, even though my tough independent side hates the idea of handing anything over. But that's a whole other episode. The quiet voice sitting behind all of this and has been in my head says things like, My opinion, my wants don't count, or it's just easier to not have an opinion because things will get done faster. Or please don't put any attention on me, I'm not worth it. And underneath the not knowing is something physical, like a heaviness, uh a blankness that might be sitting in your chest or your stomach. And that feeling is your body telling you something important. And it is certainly not that you're broken. It's just that you have been overriding your body for too long. Here's what I want you to do this week. Try to pay attention to how many times you override what you actually want. How many times do you go with whatever's easiest or whatever everyone else is having or whatever requires the least amount of you? It can be as big as choosing a vacation spot, or as small as where the trash bin sits in the bathroom. Noticing it isn't a time for judgment. Just notice what your body does in that moment. Does it tighten? Does it sink a little? Does it feel a quiet relief when you begin to tune in and notice that it's trying to tell you something? And after you notice how your body is reacting, ask yourself, what if it's actually okay for me to want that? And then how would it feel to have that? Because knowing what you want, it's not a luxury. It's simply becoming aware of a fact. How you act on it, well, that's also another episode. But once you start noticing, a small weight begins to lift, life gets a little more clear, and you start to understand how much lighter you feel when you begin to voice and take action on even the smallest wants in your life. So the next time someone asks what you want for dinner on a Friday night, I want you to actually know. And if you're ready to start figuring out what you actually want and building the capacity to go after it, book a sales call with me. Tune in every week for a new episode, and I look forward to connecting with you.