I Thought It Was Easier to Do It Myself

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It will take too much time to show them how to do it. And they probably won't do it the way I asked anyway, because that's happened before. This is why it's just easier to do it myself. Hi, I'm Superkate. Welcome to Connecting with Superkate for women who are tired of being tired and don't want to just get through it anymore. I watched as they loaded the dishwasher. How many times have I told them to do it differently? The dishes end up with soapy water sitting in them at the end of the cycle. When I do it, every square inch is maximized. There's an order to where the cups go and how the silverware is placed in the basket so they're not stacked and unable to get fully clean. But I was making dinner and I just didn't have the energy to tell them again. Cut till later that night when I opened up the dishwasher and rearranged all the dishes in the most efficient way. Sure, it took five minutes of my time to do it, but it was worth it to do it the right way. And there's no need to account for the amount of time I've spent ruminating on it this evening. Right? It still was done better and faster than if I had to show them how to do it again. Why can't they just do it correctly? Women who handle everything often adopt the most efficient and best way to do it all. They dive into making it efficient because they don't have extra time to spend on things. And after doing it the same way for months or years, they get attached and it becomes the only way to do things. I've been there. The day becomes a very strategic. Everything has its place. And if something interrupts it, then the stress levels climb higher. And we keep focusing on how much time we think it will take to change someone's pattern or ask for help and teach them how we want it done. We don't take into account the amount of time that we spend doing that thing every day or every week. We don't take into account the levels of stress that we carry maintaining all of those things on top of all of the other things that we take on ourselves. Because asking for help is a moment of vulnerability, whether that's because we consider ourselves the only one capable of handling things, or because there might be more than one way of doing something. And if there's more than one way of doing something, then why don't we know that yet? Or as I mentioned in the story, that it doesn't get done in a way that I think is correct. We need to take a second here and acknowledge that the dishes did get done. And this is actually what it cost me. I attached so much unnecessary stress and worry to it, I spent at least 20 minutes over the course of the day thinking about how it should have been done the way I like it. There were also multiple occasions for weeks after that when I worried that it would happen again. It also started slowly building some resentment towards my partner because they couldn't just do it the right way. That resentment comes out in how I engage with them throughout the day and has resulted in me choosing to do something else with my time and energy instead of spending it with them. It's amazing how fast a small task like dishes can spiral into something much bigger, but it happens all the time because we're afraid to have the feelings, the discomfort. And so much of this sits on our ability to handle discomfort, our ability to not be in control of everything. Being in control gives us a sense of certainty. It makes us feel that everything will be okay if we can just get this, these next things done, that someone else's life won't disrupt ours as much if we take care of things for them. Being in control can also give us a sense of accomplishment because we're constantly knocking things off of our to-do lists. But we then don't get that sense of accomplishment because we're too focused on all the other things that are coming at us. I want you to think about a task like the dishes, the laundry, or something at work, something that you constantly do because no one else seems to do it the correct way.

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When you think about that, what feeling do you get in your body?

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Now notice what happens with that feeling when you say, I'm going to ask someone else to do this.

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How does the feeling in your body change?

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Do you get more stressed about it? Does your jaw clench tighter? Do your shoulders get tighter? Does that the anxious feeling in your stomach get bigger? Or do you release a little bit? Do you relax because that's an opportunity that you actually do want to give to somebody else? If your body reacts more strongly and it feels resistance, is it because you think they won't do it correctly, or because it is just faster if you do it? There's no judgment here. We're just simply noticing how our body is reacting to these questions and the these thoughts. All right. We're gonna release these feelings before going into the next set of questions. So let's take a couple deep breaths. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale, keep breathing, feeling your fingertips, feeling your toes, shrug your shoulders all the way up to your ears. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, and relax them back down.

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And let's take one more big deep breath. Inhale and exhale.

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All right, back to some questions. Is it possible for someone else to do this task? Not who, not will I ask? Is it possible in the reality that we exist in for someone else to do this task? All right, is it possible for them to do it in a different way than you do it? And if both of those are true, what meaning are you making all of this about you? Does it mean if it is true that someone else can do it, and it's true that they can do it differently? Is that just simply, yeah, that that is all true and that means nothing about me? Or do you hear yourself starting to make up stories about, well, they might be able to do it differently, but that doesn't mean it's right. They are probably gonna do it differently, but that doesn't mean that it's gonna get done. If they do it differently, then I am a failure. If they get it done in a different way, then I am clearly not as smart as I thought I was. What stories are you telling about yourself in this moment? As a strong, indispensable woman, it is easy to overlook all the little stressors that build up over time. And I am here to challenge your idea that the world rests on your shoulders and that you have to do it alone. Because you have been so amazing at pushing through and handling everything up until now. You have reinforced that belief. My belief is that connecting to ourselves and connecting with others is the only way we build the life and the world that we want. It is not a quick fix, but you are used to the marathon. You've just been thinking it's a sprint this whole time. So next time one of these tasks shows up, pause. Feel how your body is responding. Ask yourself the questions we went through. And if you're still noticing the resistance to asking for help, but you're tired of how handling everything feels, book a sales call with me. The link is in the show notes. It's time to take some stuff off those plates you're juggling. I want to thank you for being here for this episode. If you enjoyed it, it would be amazing if you shared it with someone who needs this connection or share it on socials and tag me. You can also head to my website and explore the other ways we can work together. And as always, I am grateful to connect with you.