How to Stop Surviving without Abandoning Everything You Built

SPEAKER_00 0:02

My friend said, Why don't you take a few days off? I stared at her like she had offended my entire family lineage. Has she not been listening to anything I've said for the past couple years? I don't have time to take time off. There are too many things to take care of, and everyone is relying on me. Besides, the one time I took a family vacation, I had to work during it anyway, because no one else could handle what needed to be handled. The thing is, she's not the first person to suggest this. Not the first person to say I should slow down, not take on as much, as if that was an option. What is happening in their lives that makes it so easy to just do less? I have spent so much time working towards the goals I have. I can't slow down now because it will all fall apart. This is the energy it took to get here. This is the energy it will take to finish. Hi, I'm Superkate. Welcome to Connecting with Super Kate for women who have too many job titles, too many commitments, and are done just getting through it. Last week I released a three-part series called Why Rest Isn't Working. If you haven't listened to it yet, start with episode 17. While this isn't officially part of the series, it's the question I get asked a lot when talking to people and clients about prioritizing rest. Because understanding why rest isn't working is one thing, believing you're allowed to actually do something about it, that's something entirely different. Part of the reason slowing down feels so impossible is that we've grown up in a society that rewards and elevates the people who do the most. We champion the idea that giving everything to something, your job, your family, is the only way to do it. And if we aren't selflessly spending every second of our days in service to everyone else, then we are worthless. To top it off, you have all of the expectations that society puts on women's shoulders exclusively. Now, I have bragged many times in my life about the amount of hours I worked in a week. I've joked that I that I'll sleep when I'm dead. And those are some of the things we say to cope with the fact that we are scared of slowing down because when we slow down, we have to confront the thoughts we've been avoiding by staying busy. Do these thoughts sound familiar? Why aren't you further along? Why aren't you doing better? Why do you think you'll ever be good enough? It's really difficult to hear yourself think those thoughts. It's much easier to fill your time doing things to drown them out, to solve other people's problems, to stay so busy that the thoughts never get loud enough to hear. And because we've grown up in this mindset and are surrounded by these rules, it's easy to throw our hands up and say, that's the way it is. It's too difficult to turn the ship. But this seemingly small moment changed the game for me. I was finishing up some breakfast and looking out the window. I noticed a doe and her fawn walking into the yard. I watched the little fawn as she tried to get up under her mom and nurse, and her mom gently nudged her away so that she could have her own feeding time. I heard the voice say, It's time to start your day, Super Kate. Get upstairs, get to work. This isn't work. This won't bring in any money, get back to work. There have been so many times when I listened to that voice and headed straight back upstairs. There have been times when I never even lifted my head to look out the window because I was buried in all of the shoulds and the have-to's. But this time I asked myself, what if I could just stay here a few more minutes? Is it really going to make that much of a difference? And so I stayed. I watched the fawn run around the yard, little zoomies everywhere. I felt the anxious feelings in my stomach and the nervous energy running out of my fingers. But I chose to believe in that moment that nothing would fall apart if I spent a few more minutes watching this bunch of adorableness. Now, you may be thinking, that's one moment, Supercate, that doesn't really qualify as slowing down. And you're right that it's small. But here's the thing: you have to understand there's a possibility of doing things differently before you start doing them differently. For me to change how I looked at my time, it had to start with a moment of questioning. And that moment gathered momentum and it created more questioning. And eventually it led to me understanding we actually can do things differently. Before I go further, I want to name something. Not everyone has the same access to rest or the same ability to slow down. Economic pressures, systemic inequalities, those are real and they make everything harder, including this. I'm not asking you to make sweeping changes. I'm asking you to find one small moment. And if even that feels impossible some days, that's not a personal failing. That's the system that wasn't designed to support you. Now I want to give you a place to start. My challenge to you this week is to find a moment or two where you can gently push back on the narrative that things have to be this way. Maybe you turn your phone off and be completely present with your family. Maybe you take the longer route to work so you can see something new. Maybe you don't immediately respond to texts and emails. All of these things can feel really difficult when you first try them. And if they feel too easy, look for an area of your life where you're feeling outside pressure to be available and see where you can release some of that pressure. Whatever moment you choose, it's okay if your body has a physical reaction. Notice it, notice the reaction and remind yourself that it's simply a physical reaction. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong, it means something is changing. And if you're ready to stop surviving and you're ready to start building a life that actually has less stress and more enjoyment, book a sales call with me. Until then, thank you for joining me. And I look forward to the next time I get to connect with you.