Are You a Tourist in Your Own Life?

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I recently went on a trip to see friends and celebrate the life of one who had passed away. I was upset by her passing, and also the trip brought up a lot of emotions I wasn't expecting. Hi, I'm Super Kate. Welcome to Connecting with Super Kate for women who have too many job titles, too many commitments, and are done just getting through it. I did all my normal trip preparations and got in my car. This time I decided to listen to music instead of podcasts. I started the trip with listening to music that was new to me and eventually turned to the music that's been in my library for 30 years. I felt all of the memories come up, as well as the disappointments, all of those things that we feel when we're listening to music and memories just spin out. And no matter how hard I tried to tune the disappointments out with another song, I kept being drawn back toward them. And it got so loud in my head that I turned the music off and drove in silence for the final two hours. The music was just more noise on top of everything already running through my head. Some of those thoughts had to do with actions I've taken and not taken in my life. Some had to do with what I was expecting from this trip. Some were assumptions I was making about how others would treat me when I got there. Deep down I knew everyone I would see had nothing but love and kindness for me. And what a fucking wonderful, lucky thing that is to know. But for whatever reason, my head was drowning in those expectations and assumptions. So I sat in silence. Every once in a while I could feel the urge to distract myself, but there was nothing that was actually going to distract me. So I chose silence instead. I thought about this incredible woman we all knew. I thought about how I hadn't stayed as connected to her as others had. I thought about the people in my life I've drifted from or who have drifted from me. I thought about this place, this incredible community that has been so influential in my life. And how even after all these years, I still sometimes feel like a tourist there. And then I realize there are many times where I have been a tourist in my own life. The times I haven't fully committed to myself or advocated for myself, going after opportunities with one foot in the door because that felt safer. I wasn't risking as much. I could always walk away. But partial commitment leads to quick hits and then on to the next thing. And I've noticed the repercussions of that in how it affects those around me and in certain aspects of my life right now that I am genuinely frustrated with. And here's what I've learned about keeping one foot out the door. It feels safe. It feels like I'm protecting myself, but it's actually eroding the trust I have in myself, just like it's eroding the trust you have in yourself. Because every half commitment is a message to your nervous system. I'm not sure I can handle the full thing. And over time that adds up until one day you realize the version of you who used to know things, that version feels a lot harder to find. And this is what I want for you and for myself. To stop being a tourist, to stop showing up in your own life with one foot still pointed toward the exit. I want you to have a relaxing morning at your own pace, to trust that things won't fall apart if you step away. I want you to actually enjoy a vacation instead of managing it. And to feel truly happy about something without immediately waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I know it might sound like a lot right now, but it's not that far away. And that's the work I support my clients with. So as the trip progressed, I allowed myself to mourn the decisions I made in the past. I stayed present with the people I connected with because I didn't want to be a tourist in those relationships anymore. I began to dance again, to let the music travel through my body and interact with all of these beautiful energies of my fellow dancers. And it awoke a core part of me, one that I have been hesitant to reclaim. When we allow ourselves to turn down the outside noise, it can be scary because of the feelings and the thoughts that arise. But it can be really powerful to see those moments and to feel every bit of them and have the presence to feel the urge to make a different choice. Now, the world is noisy. Loved ones have strong opinions about your life, systems have strong opinions about your productivity, and it's up to us to turn all of that down so that we are able to understand what our body, our soul actually needs and gets lit up by. Because we do just have this one little life, this one impossible moment. So let's make a commitment to each other to no longer be a tourist in it. Now, if any of this has landed somewhere in your body just now, I'd love to talk. Book a free call with me, no pressure, just a conversation. And it might be one of the things that that changes everything.